Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[The no-good-lazy so-and-so’s!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[Who would have thought!]

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Murder

[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

[He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[Weren't they fat enough?]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken!]

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

[Now that's an organ donor!]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

[What can I say!]