0-2 seconds  

There's hope for you

2-5 seconds

Having a bad day?

5-10 seconds

Are you maybe just a slow reader?

10-20 seconds

Remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of

20-30 seconds

 It is recommended that you don't breed.

30 sec-1 min

You probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?

1-2 min

The equivalent of the average house plant

2-5 min    

Good afternoon Mr Bush

5 min-1 hr  

Dead people score in this range

1hr plus

Congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot..